Today marks the release of The Simpsons, Season 6. I've been waiting for this one for a long time because, unlike previous seasons, almost all of the episodes are fantastic. "Lisa On Ice" features this brilliant dialogue (courtesy of www.snpp.com):Lisa is despondent at home.
Lisa: [sobs] Mom, this is really scary. I'm going to get my first F...ever.
Marge: Cheer up! So you're not good at sports: it's a very small part of life.
Homer: [walking in, humming] Sports, sports, sports, sports, sports, sports, sports, sports...Marge, Bart rides up in the front seat today because he's a good guy at sports.
Marge: [whispering] I think Lisa needs to feel a little special tonight. How about letting her ride up front too?
[Homer looks at Bart, who shakes his head]
Homer: Ehh, I tried.
Or this:
At dinner Homer feels the need to comment on Lisa's hockey talent.
Homer: Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else -- and it hasn't -- it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot-oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such-and-such.
I can't wait to get the DVD set!
So how about that laptop stampede?
RICHMOND, Va. - A rush to purchase $50 used laptops turned into a violent stampede Tuesday, with people getting thrown to the pavement, beaten with a folding chair and nearly driven over. One woman went so far to wet herself rather than surrender her place in line.
That had to be pleasant. I feel sorry for the people in line around her.
People threw themselves forward, screaming and pushing each other. A little girl's stroller was crushed in the stampede. Witnesses said an elderly man was thrown to the pavement, and someone in a car tried to drive his way through the crowd.
Well, I guess that's one way to get to the head of the line...WTF is wrong with people?
Damn Gene Weingarten, he made me cry at work today when he wrote about the death of his dog:
Old dogs can do that to you. They can surprise you, with what seems to be a sudden intuition, or complexity of emotion, or an understanding of something beyond what seems possible. Maybe you're reading that stuff into them. That's probably what it is. But the fact is that after Harry's hind legs finally completely gave out on him last week - when he could no longer walk or even stand, and my wife and I brought him to the vet for his shot of poison - he did something unusual. For four days afterwards, my wife did not mention it to me, nor I to her, because we had dealt with enough emotion and didn't really want to say it aloud. But the fact is that as he lay on the gurney, and the vet began to push the plunger on the syringe, Harry lifted his head up and kissed us goodbye.
4 comments:
What cable network is covering women's hot oil wrestling? I need to subscribe. Currently, the only wrestling I have seen on tv is sweaty men wearing capes on TNT. Yuck. If I wanted to see that, I would visit a prison. No thanks!
ok that laptop thing is ridiculous.
and now you're not the only one who cried at work for that dog. (well, i only got teary-eyed, but still...) that's a very sad story!
(sniff, sniff)
i thought only my mother's forwards of dying children made me cry at work.
i need a hug now!!
Weingarten rules! Sorry, just had th throw that in there. I read Funny? You Should Ask every Tuesday during lunch. He even answered one of my questions once, though his answer wasn't satisfactory.
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