Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Halloween Edition

I just loved Gene Weingarten's chat today so much, that I have to reproduce it here. First, especially for the Captain (since I know he loves Gene too), the comment about the Redskins. Pretty harsh, even I have to admit:

Anyonymous Source: The Redskins stink this year, but please don't quote me.

Gene Weingarten: Ah, yes. You know, I meant to start this chat with a statement about that game on Sunday, but I realized that this was a difficult issue. I have, in the past, gloated about the Yankees at the expense of the Orioles, but I did that knowing that the Orioles are not really in the hearts of the area sports fans. I know you guys love your Skins, and I am far too sensitive -- and desirous of maintaining readership -- to express any joy in the defeat of the Redskins at the hands of my childhood team, the Giants. So I will leave it to others to make immature and hurtful comparisons, such as suggesting that the blood left on the field was menses.

Now, on to the rest, a discussion about Halloween costumes. I love those egg and sperm costumes:

Gene Weingarten: Good afternoon.
After about 7:30, in my neighborhood, Halloween gets just a little jaded. The average age of the trick or treaters begins to rise, and their enthusiasm to fall. A sense of wonder is replaced by a sense of entitlement. Fabulously dorky Mom-designed costumes are replaced with ten-cent masks, or nothing at all. Halloween becomes a listless, cynical trolling for free treats. I give them up, though, because what will we do with 200 Snickers Fun-Size! bars the next day? But I have my limits.

Around 8 o'clock last night the doorbell rang and a kid was at the door. He had to be 18. He wore no costume. He was a big guy, almost threateningly large. He had a cell phone clapped to his ear. Wordlessly, he turned around and presented his backpack, into which I was supposed to drop some candy. I could see that others had. I had the candy in my hand, but instead, reached for the nearest non-candy item I could find, which explains why -- big, rude kid, are you reading this? -- there was a cigar stub in your backpack.
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Land of milk and beer: I'm not normally a fan of the almost-high school aged kids that tend to show up at our house on Halloween. Last night proved an exception. A group of kids, easily middle school-aged, rang the bell. Among them were a couple of ducks, a couple of horribly sick looking individuals, and a couple of hapless looking kids dressed as commandos.
They informed me, when asked, that they were the president's response to a possible bird flu outbreak.
I was tempted to give them all the candy I had.
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New York, N.Y.: I had some great high school trick or treaters come by last night. At 8:30 ish a guy in a giant round pink costume knocked and asked for candy. At 8:45, about 15 other kids dressed as sperm dropped by looking for the guy in the egg costume. It was great. _______________________

Parlez-vo,US: Halloween was the most fun when I was living in France. Everyone gets into it - everybody gets to dress up. Even the homeless guys were "in the spirit" - hiding in trash cans and jumping out at people, putting on masks and running around the downtown streets. Parents and kids hanging around the downtown area at 10 o'clock at night and just having a howling crazy time.
I miss it. It's not fair that we don't get to dress up like Superman one night a year anymore. Stupid adulthood.
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Baltimore, Md.: Regarding trick or treaters - I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Last night, a number of kids showed up without costumes. I always ask what they were dressed at, mostly to see how creative they could be. One young child (about 10 years old), scrunched up his face, thought for a moment and then said "I'm a junkie!" I also encountered pimps and drag queens. None of these children were older than 12. So what do you think? Laugh or cry?
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Halloween Costume: When I was in 8th grade, I dressed up in the cliche costume of a girl from the '50s (poodle skirt, bobbie socks, etc). One of my teachers (an old lady) lived in the neighborhood and we stopped at her house to trick-or-treat. She yelled at me because she thought I wasn't wearing a costume!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMG, I love the bird flu response kids. That is just great!!!!

P.S. I also love Gene. Too busy these days to catch his chat, but he is just the funniest! So I thank you for the highlights :)

Anonymous said...

Those halloween stories are hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Gene Weingarten is awesome. I've been telling the joke about Little Susie to a bunch of people. Women hate it, and glare at me. Men look at me like I have no soul, then start laughing.

I think I may post it on D.C. Sports just to gauge reaction.